FIFINONO – a blog about cultural exploration

Today we bring you the story of Yulong and Andrea!

Yulong and Andrea first met at Bar Frangipani in Shanghai. The coziness and the Italian sounding name of the bar attracted Andrea to become a regular customer. The couple was immediately mesmerized by each other’s honesty, kindness, intelligence, and of course, the bright cute smiles! The mutual attraction soon developed into a beautiful and committed relationship, overcoming many different barriers. Yulong and Andrea got married in 2016 and live together in Shanghai.

FIFINONO had an interview with these two lovebirds to learn how cultural difference impacts their lives.

What perceptions did you have of their culture? Did they live up to it?

Yulong: Actually, I didn’t think of it at all. So I can’t really tell before knowing Andrea. Italy to me was just some lines printed in my mid-school history books.
Andrea: When I met Yulong I was already in China for a while and my university background was in fact focused on China and Chinese culture, such as art, history, philosophy and literature. Therefore I was kind of prepared for a strictly informative point of view. But of course I was not prepared at all for the emotional point of view, or, to put it better, the Chinese way to express emotions, especially in a relationship. To get to the point I was shocked when, after only a few months together, he started to say “our” mum..

Have you had arguments or misunderstanding due to cultural differences?

Yulong: Of courser, we are from two different continents! 🙂 In western culture, everything must fit into theorys, and are explainable in the western way, but in China, you live with it. The beginning years we were together, every time he found something difficult to understand about me, we started to quarrel.
Andrea: almost on a daily basis, at least in the first few years. There is a Chinese peculiar way to keep running around deliberately refusing to hit the point and this is frankly exhausting. But if having arguments is a sign of a never-aging,  passionate and alive relationship, our marriage on this point of view is really ageless..

Is there anything cultural your partner does that you like or dislike?

Yulong:

• Like: patient to me;
• Dislike: also, patient to his Italian friends always late;
• Like: very transparent to me, no secrets;
• Dislike: share too many daily details annoys me (Never that patient)

Andrea: Does it counts if I say that I love Chinese food…ok indeed there are many things I Like, starting from the full, completely full, commitment in family values, no matter what. That’s something fading away in most of Europe. Coming to the “dislike” part, probably there is a too obviously displayed materialistic side in contemporary Chinese culture, something I did not totally digested yet.

What are some of the products that you didn’t know your partner uses?

Yulong: No way, I believe I know them all
Andrea: first time I saw a mud mask on his face I started to scream!!

ON FOOD
What food does your partner eat a lot from their culture?

Yulong: Italian, of course. Pizza, pasta…
Andrea: RRRRIIIIIICCCCCCEEEEEE in any shape, in any color, in any fashion…it only matters that is rice….

What food do you love from your partner’s culture?

Yulong: Porcini pasta, truffle on beef steak….
Andrea: I’ve discovered a world of flavors thanks to Yulong, and not only Chinese cuisine, but I’ve literally traveled the world on our table! He is a great cook, not only inventive but really perfectionist. He got a secret recipe for the best hot-pot in Shanghai, but doesn’t share this secret with anybody..

What food from your partner’s culture is weird to you? 

Yulong: Not really any specific dish but, Italian cuisine is like SO SO SALTY. I remember one night at Michelin restaurant in Milan, when the chief asked about my feedbacks, I answered too salty, imagine his face…
Andrea: look, a dish called “stinky noodles”…seriously? It’s not weird only for me, right??

Is there any food in your culture that’s similar to your partner’s?

Yulong: In Yunnan province local also make cheese and ham similar way like Italian
Andrea: Spaghetti / Chinese Noodles..and no! Forget the story of Marco Polo coming back from China with a pack of noodles..Spaghetti are Italian!!!

ON LANGUAGE
What cute phrases have you learned from your partner’s language?

Yulong: Ti amo per sempre (I’ll love you forever)
Andrea: 老公我爱你  (Husband, I love you!) I think there’s nothing sweeter than that!

What are the words/phrases your partner always says in their language?

Yulong: Certo (sure), scusi(sorry), per favore(Please)
Andrea: I guess swear is not included…then shall be 猪头皮 (“Pig scalp – way of calling people silly).

ON ENTERTAINMENT

Do you listen to music from your partner’s culture? Do you have a favorite song?

Yulong: A diva for him: Mina, lots of song are also in English, so no gaps
Andrea: I’m a bit too much into Classical music to really pay attention to other genres. Anyway there is a song that became very important to me because Yulong sing it often, 把我的爱情还给我 by Teresa Teng.

What festivals in your partner’s culture do you celebrate together?

Yulong: Natale (Xmas) also Ester
Andrea: of course 春节 (Chinese New Year) and then 端午节 (Dragon Boat Festival) and 中秋节(Mid-autumn festival), but we celebrate all of them in our own special way, creating our own family tradition

What children’s tales are important in your culture?

Yulong:  You mean sth like Disney? Ah, Mulan, actually in China we have more fables than the little mermaid
Andrea: I would say Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Little Red Hood…

ON PARENTS
Have you met your partner’s parents? Did you have any concerns about meeting them?

Yulong: Yes, all the big family but his father. I have no concern at all, I am very honest to myself and the first time I even didn’t take it seriously, it was like a duty for me, until his mother moved me with her love towards him and me. She is so ADORABLE!

Andrea:
I’ve met my husband’s larger family once and it was great. We hang up regularly with sister and her family and we are blessed to have such lovely relatives!

Did your partner’s parents do anything that surprised you?

Yulong: Greeting, chatting with me in another language, my husband has to translate her words to me, mine to her, but she enjoyed, even sharing gossip with me, at that very moment, I know, I’ve been accepted.
Andrea: Yulong aunties throwing coins in the air and talking with the spirits…

FINAL WORDS:

What is the best part of being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Yulong: I think it is a way to open up how I see and think of the world. I am getting more and more patient in the past 12 years, to live with my husband from a totally different culture, you must learn how to express yourself and get his expression towards opinions, attitude, even the way of descriptions.
Andrea: Allow me to underline at least two…first of all “enrichment”: sharing two completely different cultural backgrounds gives you a unique chance to grow richer, with a much interesting vision of the world and of its complexities.
Second I would say a special kind of “forgiveness”: due to this immense cultural difference, it’s hard to take direct offense due to some nods, words, gestures…you can always play in both directions the “cultural misunderstanding” card and move on!

Has this relationship changed you? How?

Yulong:  Changed quite a lot: Silent -> Speak aloud; Self-centered -> considerate
Andrea: Enormously! But not specifically because my husband is Chinese, but because my husband is…my husband!

FIFINONO notes:

FIFI has known Yulong and Andrea for close to a decade now. When Yulong and Andrea first met, they often had contrasting views on many issues, caused by both cultural and personality differences. They often clashed and ended up in explosive fights. But after, they would make up in the sweetest and most loving way! It’s always refreshing and heartwarming to see them overcoming all sorts of difficulties and growing closer to each other.

Thanks to honest communication, mutual respect, and years of learning and growing together. Today Yulong and andrea’s different points of view can now coexist in a more harmonious way. The arguments have become the spices to their passionate and ageless relationship.

FIFINONO Culture Learning:

Why are Chinese people indirect? 

As Andrea said, the Chinese communication style is often “running around and refusing to hit the point”.  China is a very collective society. It’s necessary to maintain harmonious relations and prevent losing face on both sides. You won’t hear “No” much, but if you notice any hesitation, it’s probably a negative response.

The collectivism of Chinese culture explains the communication style. Like Billy was told in the movie “The Farewell”.  “In the east, a person’s life is part of a whole.”

Are you in a cross-cultural relationship? Would you like to share with us your stories, learnings, and tips? Would you like to have your couple sketching on our website?

Please email us at info@fifinono.com, we look forward to hearing from you!