FIFINONO – a blog about cultural exploration

Today we bring you the story of Julie and Johannes!

Julie and Johannes met on OkCupid while they both lived in the Bay Area. After 2 months of emailing back and forth, they finally managed to meet up. The couple  share a love of adventure, healthy living, and the desire to make the world a better place. Johannes is extremely caring to Julie and all her friends, remembering little things Julie said,  buying her all kinds of little presents, and building her IKEA furniture! Not to forget to mention, they both love climbing trees! (The OkCupid  profile picture of Johannes showing off his 8-pack while hanging off a tree caught Julie’s eyes!)

Johannes is from Germany and Julie was born in China and moved to the US at her early age, now they live in the US together with their beautiful daughter. FIFINONO had an interview with them to learn how cultural difference impacts their lives.

What perceptions did you have of their culture? Did they live up to it?

Julie: My stereotype of a German is someone who is rigid, meticulous, and cannot pronounce words starting with W properly. Johannes definitely lives up to the rigid part. He has very specific routines that he absolutely has to follow, especially when it comes to his workouts, that sometimes drives me nuts. He’s pretty meticulous when it comes to work but is SUPER messy. He sometimes says Vorld instead of World and I can’t help but laugh.

Johannes: I have met and known many Chinese people before I met Julie and most of them were rather quiet and somewhat reserved. But while there are lots of stereotypes of Chinese people, I think I have met too many that didn’t fit the typical stereotypes to believe in them. One thing I thought is true about most Chinese people is that they are smart and Julie definitely fits that bill.

Have you had arguments or misunderstandings due to cultural differences?

Julie: I think Europeans in general are much more conscious about not being wasteful. I’m personally pretty conscious about this as well, but we still have arguments because we are not at the same level in terms of how far to go when it comes to recycling and saving energy. For example, he would ask me to turn off the sensor/timer garage light when I get inside, which I think is very silly. He also wants to recycle every single scrap of plastic, and I’ve repeatedly told him it doesn’t work that way.

Johannes: No, I don’t think our arguments or misunderstandings were rooted in cultural differences.

Is there anything cultural your partner does that you like or dislike?

Julie: I don’t know if it’s cultural but Johannes hoards perishable food and claims they never expire and if we ever separate it’ll be because he’s bought one (or ten) too many boxes of cereal.

Johannes: There are certain things that bother me at times about my partner but I don’t think anything of that is attributable to the Chinese culture. For example, Julie eats really loudly and doesn’t always have the best table manners. (JZ’s response: definitely is partly attributable to culture :P)

Is there anything in your partner’s culture that you also have started doing?

Julie: I started turning off the faucet when I lather while taking a shower to save water. Also I eat way more bread now.
Johannes: I’m eating with chopsticks. I also take off my shoes when I get inside the house. But I guess that’s not only a Chinese thing to do.

What are some of the products that you didn’t know your partner uses?

Julie: Women’s razors. Johannes shaves his legs as a cyclist and apparently they are way better.
Johannes: Julie scared me when I saw her for the first time with a face mask.

ON FOOD
What food does your partner eat a lot from their culture?

Julie: Bread. He eats 3 loaves of bread per week.
Johannes: We eat Chinese food every day. A lot of stir fry dishes with rice and noodles every once in a while.

What food do you love from your partner’s culture?

Julie: Sausages Schweinshaxe (pork knuckle) and wiener schnitzel!
Johannes: I don’t have a favorite dish but I like everything taro and all the Chinese baked goods.

What food from your partner’s culture is weird to you? 

Julie: I’m Chinese, I don’t think other people’s food is weird.
Johannes: Chicken feet, pig ear and intestines.

Is there any food in your culture that’s similar to your partner’s?

Julie: Sauerkraut is surprisingly like 东北酸菜.
Johannes: No, I don’t think traditional German food has any similarities to Chinese food.

ON LANGUAGE
What cute phrases have you learned from your partner’s language?

Julie: I love long German words. My favorite is schadenfreude(finding joy in someone else’s misfortune). I also learned the word Kurtzgesagt (In a nutshell) from this Youtube show I love. (Johannes: I don’t know why you keep calling them long words.)

Johannes: I’m afraid nothing cute really but I’m learning more and more now as our baby learns to speak Chinese.

What are the words/phrases your partner always says in their language?

Julie: He loves laughing at Zoe’s baby tummy and calling it Plautze which is not a word Google Translate recognizes.

Johannes: Julie and I communicate in English but she speaks Chinese with her mother. I’m sure she complains about me to her mom in Chinese and it’s probably good that I don’t understand what she’s saying…

ON ENTERTAINMENT

Do you listen to music from your partner’s culture? Do you have a favorite song?

Julie: Johannes doesn’t listen to German music so I don’t have much to go on, but I did try to learn this one song Das Beste by Silbermond.
Johannes: I don’t listen to much music but get exposed to Chinese music when Julie watches some of her favorite shows on TV. While I don’t understand anything, I do like some of the songs she listens to and there are some I like a lot. My favorite one would have to be the song she sang while I played the guitar and is called ‘Baby’ (Julie: 张悬’s 宝贝).

What festivals in your partner’s culture do you celebrate together?

Julie: Neither of us are into festivals (or anniversaries/birthdays) but I do plan to get started with Chinese New Year and Moon Festival for Zoe’s sake.
Johannes: We don’t really celebrate any holidays or festivals. If anything, we celebrate the American holidays in a more ‘American’ way but no German or Chinese festivals.

What children’s tales are important in your culture?

Julie: I don’t know about importance, but I like the story of how the rat beat all the other animals to become the head of the Chinese zodiac.

Johannes: Many of the stories from the Brothers Grimm and there are lots of others. There are just too many to list them all but to name a few: Hansel and Gretel, Rumpelstilzchen, Rapunzel, the Frog Prince, Snow White, Max and Moritz, etc.

ON PARENTS
Have you met your partner’s parents? Did you have any concerns about meeting them?

Julie: Yes, and no I wasn’t, I can definitely tell through what Johannes has told me that they were wonderful people.

Johannes:Yes, I have. No, I didn’t.

Did your partner’s parents do anything that surprised you?

Julie: During my first visit Barbara baked a cake for us every single day (now I know where he gets his sweet tooth) and I had a deep conversation about religion and faith with Georg. Both pleasant surprises!
Johannes: No, they were very welcoming and friendly.

FINAL WORDS:

What is the best part of being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Julie: I love that our daughter gets to learn another language, and will grow up in an environment where diversity is normal and embraced. I also love learning about the similarities and differences between our cultures and pondering how they define us and drive our actions and preferences.

Johannes: It increases awareness and I believe it makes you a more open-minded person. I think it also allows me to better understand cultural differences and be more empathetic. I also like the fact that our daughter will grow up being exposed to different cultures which will hopefully make her a more understanding and better person.

Has this relationship changed you? How?

Julie: Yes. This has nothing to do with culture, but being with Johannes has made me more comfortable with being who I am, instead of being who someone else wants me to be.
Johannes: I’m tempted to say no but I’m sure it has in certain ways.

FIFINONO Notes:

Our cultural backgrounds impact our behaviors and habits. In cross-cultural relationships, we have to learn from a different perspective that may appear odd at the beginning, but it also give us the opportunity to challenge our existing believes and behaviors. And ultimately, move together towards the mutual goal.

Julie and Johannes will probably never really agree on how they recycle, yet they’ll always enjoy their adventures, and climbing trees together. This combination will add more color to their relationship, and  create a culturally diverse, empathetic and open environment for their daughter to grow up in.

FIFINONO Culture Learning:

Germany’s longest compound word!

The German language uses virtually unlimited compounding words to capture precise or complex meanings. Julie loves long German words, but Mark Twain said they were not words, but “alphabetic processions … marching majestically across the page.”

One of the longest words in the German tongue is “Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz” (the law for the delegation of monitoring beef labeling)- 63 letter words!! But it was later removed by the government.

What are some interesting uses of language in your culture? Share with us!

Are you in a cross-cultural relationship? Would you like to share with us your stories, learnings, and tips? Would you like to have your couple sketching on our website?